Been over a year since I started liking you..
The feelings I have for you are inevitable. I always seemed to be missing you even if I may not be showing it. It is like one day I am fine then the next day you’re the only thing on my mind. I really can’t stand it. Why can’t I just get the balls to finally ask you to be my girlfriend instead of talking to you then just stopping randomly for days on end. Since I have been home I have wanted to see you unfortunately I just don’t have time. I am working to 5 everyday and I just and tired after work.
There is just something about you that I love and I cannot pin point it. It just keeps me coming back. This sounds so mean like I am just using me for when I want to and I know you’ll be there. Which is so shitty. However, I don’t want it to sound like that because that is far from what I want. I hate hurting you. I know what I have done to you emotionally. I hate it. I carry the burden of knowing that night you called me, you did what you did because of me. I was the problem. I think it about it so much. That day though, I felt we were closer than ever before. Then finals came and I went into my shell again and didn’t talk to anyone for a week or two. I am a fucked up kid. I know this. If you hate me then I told understand. I just needed to get this out..
FUCK
Soo I am talking to this girl. I went down to her college this weekend. And the thing is I will never be able to compare to her ex and her first love. I mean I can try and do as much as possible but it will never happen. Like this girl is stuck on this kid and I don’t see her getting over him anytime soon. It just sucks because it seems at like times she is over him and ready to move on then other time you can just see it in her eyes that she just is not going to over this kid. Idk if anything were to happen it would be a long time from now and honestly even then ill still have the feeling that I am just being compared to her love. I just hate the feeling of being mind fucked all the time. The one that has never done that to me is my ex. I find myself more and more talking to her now.
